How to Tell Kids About Divorce: Protect Their Emotional Well-Being

Telling your children that you and your partner are separating is not an easy conversation.

It’s emotional, uncertain, and often filled with guilt. You may be blaming yourself and might be wondering: 

“How do I explain this without hurting them?” “What should I say, and what should I avoid?” “Will they blame themselves?” 

The truth is there’s no perfect way to deliver the news. But there are steps you can take to help your kids feel supported and loved even during such a difficult time. 

And while this isn’t legal advice, it’s an important part of navigating separation.

Why This Conversation Matters 

When parents separate, children often feel confused, scared, or even responsible for what is happening. It’s quite common for children to feel that they are the reason their parents broke up, leaving them feeling like they’re not enough. 

Even if they’re young or seem unaffected, they’re likely absorbing more than you think. That’s why how you tell them matters just as much as what you say. 

The goal isn’t to protect them from all pain. That’s impossible. The goal is to help them understand, reassure them that the problem is not them, and give them space to process the change in a healthy way. Wounds will heal. We want to avoid scars. 

When and How to Have the Conversation 

1. Plan Ahead 

This isn’t a conversation to improvise. Plan what you want to say, and if possible, have both parents present. 

You don’t need to go into every detail of the separation. You just need to be honest. Use age-appropriate language, and keep focus on your child’s feelings, not your own. 

Remember, you need to reassure them that they are not the problem. So, their feelings are above all. 

2. Reassure Them It’s Not Their Fault 

Children often internalize bad news. Make it clear, more than once, that the separation is not because of anything they did or didn’t do. 

Let them know that both parents still love them, and that nothing about that will change. 

3. Give Them Time and Space to Ask Questions 

Some kids will ask a lot of questions right away. Others may stay quiet and come back later with concerns. 

Encourage them to talk, but don’t force them to talk. Let them lead the conversation. 

4. Be Honest, but Age-Appropriate 

Younger children don’t need to know about infidelity, financial problems, or legal battles.

Older kids may want more details, however, it’s best to avoid placing blame or dragging them into adult issues. If you can withhold very sensitive information, do so. And of course, do not blame one another. 

Keep the explanation simple and focused on the future: “Mom and Dad aren’t going to live together anymore, but we’ll both still be in your life.” 

What to Say Based on Age 

Here are some examples of how you could approach presenting your separation based on your children’s age: 

Ages 3–6: 

“Mom and Dad are going to live in different houses now, but we both still love you very much. You’ll see both of us, just like before.” 

Ages 7–12: 

“We’ve decided that we won’t be living together anymore. We both care about you deeply, and things at home might look a little different, but we’ll work it out together.” 

Teens (13+): 

“This wasn’t an easy decision, but we believe it’s the best one for everyone. We’ll both still be here for you, and we’ll work hard to avoid changes to your routines.” 

What to Avoid Saying: 

“It’s your fault.” 

“It’s daddy’s fault, it’s mommy’s fault”

“Mommy is bad, daddy is bad”

“You can choose who you live with now.”

“I’m leaving and don’t know when I will be coming back.” 

“You’ll be fine, everything happens for a reason.” 

Avoid making promises you can’t keep, like where they’ll live or how often they’ll see each parent. If you’re unsure, say so gently. 

After the Talk: Supporting Your Child Emotionally 

Once the news is out, the real work begins by helping your child adjust. 

Here are some ways to support your child after telling them: 

Keep Routines as Normal as Possible 

School, friends, and activities provide structure. Try to keep those consistent. 

Be Present and Available 

Check in regularly. Ask how they’re feeling and listen without judgment or correction. 

Watch for Red Flags 

If your child starts acting out, withdrawing, or showing signs of anxiety or depression, consider speaking with a counselor or therapist. Do not ignore or take changes in your child’s behavior lightly.  

Don’t Argue in Front of Them 

Even if communication between you and your ex is tense, keep conflict away from the kids. They shouldn’t feel caught in the middle. The goal is to sustain a semi-unified picture of you as parents in their mind, even if you are not together anymore. 

Reassure Them Often 

They may ask the same question over and over: “Are you both still going to love me?” That’s okay. Repeat the answer as many times as you need to. 

When to Involve a Professional 

Sometimes, even with the best intentions, the emotional impact of a separation is too much for a child to handle alone. For this reason, the separation process needs to be executed by a professional in order to minimize emotional impact both on adults and children. 

A family law case may involve custody arrangements, parenting plans, and court decisions, but it doesn’t mean you can’t also seek emotional support outside the courtroom. 

If your child is struggling to cope, a therapist or counselor experienced in working with children of separated parents can help.

In high-conflict separations, a divorce lawyer or mediator can also help create a plan that keeps your child’s needs front and center, so you can focus on healing together as a family. 

A few words by Michael Lyore Law 

There’s no one-size-fits-all approach to telling your kids about separation. But the key is honesty, reassurance, and consistency. 

While this is one of the most personal parts of a divorce, it’s also one of the most important. 

If you're preparing for a common law separation or Divorce, a family lawyer can help guide you through the legal process, but only you (or a therapist) can guide your child through the emotional side. 

At Michael Iyore Law, we believe that legal support and emotional support go hand-in-hand. We help families navigate the complex parts of separation while keeping the well-being of children at the heart of the process. 

If you’re preparing for a major life change and want to understand your rights and options, contact us today. We’re here to help, not just with the law, but with the human side of separation too. 

Disclaimer: This article provides general information only and does not replace personalized legal advice. For help with your specific situation, speak to a licensed family lawyer. 

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